9 Aug 2017
Spotting very light. Still I hold onto the message from above. We can do this Peace

14 July 2017

CONFUSED am bleeding as if having my period but light colored blood than before

28 Jun
"Handiti wakati uri kuda mumwe mwana here you are now pregnant."

The pain of miscarrying

Its been about 8years now. Whole family has been talking about adding a new member to the family. Sis Praise has always wanted a sister all these years. This year she does not think soo. She is afraid of having to compete for Dad's attention. All this time long we have desired a baby girl. We even had a name 'Peace'. Other names are Daisy, Jude(Feminine hebrew for Praise derived from Judah), Eriella(Hebrew...I see God).

I have always imagined her to be smart, intelligent, quiet, loving, feminine, well groomed yet very confident and assertive.

28 June 2017 almost around 4am I received a message: ""Handiti wakati uri kuda mumwe mwana here? You are now pregnant!"" And I believed and received. 

From then, I shopped for baby girl clothes and other nice things I would come across. I did not share the news with anyone. I continued going around like there was no change. There was no other change besides morning sickness. 

One morning I went about my routine of sewing baby sets and hats for my retail shop. I noticed a big red circle where I HD just woken from the bed. My heart thumped. I took a bath and changed my clothes. I did not know what to do. I could not even talk to anyone. Was it what I was thinking? 

I had lower abdominal and back pain. I went back to sleep. The urge to sleep was overwhelming. I must have slept for over four hours when I woke up screeming. My baby had gone. I woke up and cleaned myself again. This time there was more blood and some clots. It had been three months from the day of the night vision. 

I had not named the baby so I had to look at the list and give her a name. She could not have gone nameless. After naming her Peace, I gave away all I had bought for her. I checked my breasts for any milk, there was none. I got some linen savers and maternity pads. 

For six months I could not talk to anyone about it. I grieved on my own. I did not even tell my husband all other kids. The pain was suffocating. Even today I miss her. I think of her. Of the one sided conversation I had with her those three months she was growing inside me. 

I know she could hear me. I know she misses me too. Wherever you are Peace mommie misses and lives you. God willing He will give me another but none will ever replace you.